Matrimony Sites- Can you really find your Soulmate???

Kissing your soulmate and finding true love.

And then my soul saw you and “Oh there you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

-Unknown

The Size Zero Myth:

the size zero hippo in front of mirror watching its reflection to be thinner than it isI will fall in love RAJ-SIMRAN (Indian versions of Romeo and Juliet) style, and get married to the love of my life. Arranged marriage is just not for me.

If I do not have a love marriage, I will have to compromise with any partner I find through matrimonial sites or arranged by elders. The chemistry, passion and understanding which I would have with a partner in love marriage cannot exist in arranged marriage.

I am doomed if I have to get married the arranged way.

sad-bride-matrimony

The Wise Hero Reality:

the wise hero tortoise with book in one hand and a beaker with chemical in other handIn TLC’s new show “Married By Mom and Dad,” individuals allow their parents to choose their spouses. Though this seems completely crazy to most westerners, who usually pick their own spouses (for better or worse) and decide to spend the rest of their lives together, arranged marriages are quite common in other cultures and areas of the world, especially in Asian countries. Why? Because the general belief is that young adults are too immature andTLC show Married by Mom & Dad banner impulsive to pick a good life partner and parents, guardians, or wise elders are much better at finding a suitable partner with the characteristics of a caring spouse based on their own life experiences.

Because marriage is over speculated and because before we enter matrimony, most of us hold romanticized version of wedlock in our minds. All credits to the movies, we tend to believe that marriages are happily-ever-after. A small girl holding her toy pony.That we would meet someone on a rainy day, magically fall in love and get married to the same person eventually. Even as a small kid we are made to read all fairy tales which has a prince charming who apparently comes in a horse and rescues his princess. Well, reality can be harsh at times.

I myself was in pursue of a perfect love marriage but this dream of mine collapsed and arranged marriage turned out to be the best possible thing that could have happened to me ever.

Being born and brought up in an Indian family, I always had it imprinted on my mind that the whole and sole reason for having a relationship would be to get married eventually. But after few failed relationships, I had to give up on love marriage idea and give in to find a suitable groom for me through matrimony sites. And the hunt begun.

matrimony-hunt

Through my personal experience, I would like to share some important tips for anyone who is looking to find their better half through matrimony websites or other arranged manners.

1. It is not a Shopping Site..

My Experience:

Girl browsing matrimony sites to find her soulmate.Like every other person who gets hold of a new app and finds it interesting, matrimony sites seemed interesting in the beginning. It was just like a shopping site like Flipkart and Amazon where I was supposed to look into the description of the product (oops I mean to say profile of the groom) and select or reject them (I know I sound harsh, but this is what happens). Being a shopaholic, I could operate the site easily.

Take-Away:

Take the matrimony site seriously, you have no scope for experiment and failures. The person you choose is the one you might end up spending rest of your life with. And there is absolutely no return policy. So, choose wisely and go through profiles thoroughly before accepting or rejecting.

2. Be Sure of Exactly what kind of partner you want:

My Experience:

Being a tall girl with a good height of 5’8″, I always wanted a guy who was at least few inches taller than me. But most of the men who sent me request were 5’9″. I initially wanted to reject them but people around me started giving me ideas of how I am giving such small issues so much of importance. So ultimately, I got confused, met a bunch of men who claimed to be 5’9″ but where shorter than me.

Take-Away:

Never listen to what others have to say about your priorities. Even if you seem shallow, it’s you who needs to accept your partner. You are not in love with any of them so you can have your own checklist before you feel comfortable in going ahead with someone.checklist-matrimony

3. Do not get over-whelmed by every match you get:

My Experience:

When I was new on the site, the first guy who approached me and whose profile seemed to match mine, I thought he is the one. So did my parents. But I did not get married to the first guy or many more that came afterwards.

Take-Away:

Do not get over-whelmed or over optimistic about the initial prospects you meet as you must be new to the field but the other person must be on the hunt long before you started. Take it slow, this is not a Bollywood movie that you will meet someone and everything will fall into its place. It may, it may not. So be prepared for both.

matrimony-site-coffee-date

4. Do not reject guys initially assuming that you can do better:

My Experience:

I had met a guy in my initial days of hunt. He seemed to be nice and we sort of clicked. But as he was one of the few guys I had met, I felt I could do better and moved to the next guy. Later on, after a year when the guy approached me again, I seriously considered getting married to him as he was much better than the other weirdos I met after rejecting him initially (no I did not end up with him, but we ended on friendly terms).

matrimony-site-reject-guys

Take-Away:

I am not saying that lower your standards and marry anyone who comes along, but make sure not to over expect. This is a very important decision of your life. You need to stay on the ground, face reality. If you like someone even a little, do not reject him/her assuming you will find better, You might, you might not. So be careful and make sure you are 100% satisfied that this is not the right person for you before you reject anyone.

5. Do not judge a person based on your past experiences:

My Experience:

After facing few bad experiences, it so happened that I started doubting anyone I was talking to for matrimony purpose. Hence things were not working out for me. I could not trust a new person and was projecting my past experiences on the new prospect. When I realized how this was working against me, I changed my perspective and started any conversation with the new prospects on a positive note. This really helped me.

doubt-matrimony-sites

Take-Away:

Start conversation with any new person you meet with a clean slate. Remember that every relationship is different and it is not necessary that everyone is alike. Also, if you start judging the person from day one, he/she will catch those negative vibes from you and this relationship will most probably not work. Meet any new person without judgement and a positive attitude.

6. Just because you have failed few times doesn’t mean you rush to get married to anyone who comes along:

My Experience:

After meeting many prospects and things not working out, I really got into a phase of depression. I just was troubled. I just wanted to get married to anyone who came along as I had lost hope. But then I made myself strong. Got myself busy with other activities and made myself feel worthy to wait for the right one and it did happen for me.

Take-Away:

Just because you are unable to find a suitable matrimonial prospect doesn’t mean you must rush into getting married to anyone who comes along. Yes, it did not happen for you yet but it will happen. Patience is the key. Also, your aim is not to just get married but to be happy, alone or with someone whom you really want to be with. So, do not lose hope.

Matrimony-depression

7. Multi-Date:

My Experience:

I had set a policy that when I am talking to one prospect, I would pause my matrimony profile and if it does not work, only then move on to the next.  My fiancé had sent me interest when I was in conversation with someone else so I did not proceed with him initially. Later on, when I started multi-dating. His interest popped up and I was also interested. I met my fiancé when I was in conversation with two other men (of course they were not clicking). I instantaneously liked my guy and thank god, I was multi-dating

Take-Away:

I know multi-dating does not sounds right. But it is being practical. There are lakhs of prospects on matrimony and thousands send you request. If you do one at a time, you might lose the right guy/gal being stuck talking to a wrong person. So, multi-date and do not feel guilty as 90% of the people on matrimony sites do it. Remember you are not committed. You are exploring options.

multi date matrimony

8. If it is prolonging and you don’t feel it. This is not right:

My Experience:

I did not know if I could connect with a stranger so easily. I believed it takes time to develop the urge to get married to the right one. So, whenever I started talking to a prospect, I would assume that I don’t feel it is working now but it will develop. But nothing developed ever. I only lost many months talking to strange men and wasting my time. When I met the right person, it just took us two weeks to get engaged.

Take-Away:

If he or she is the right fit, it will click instantaneously. Do not drag conversations if you do not want to. Don’t force yourself into talking to someone assuming you might start liking that person. Trust me you will not. It is just not meant to happen. Move on. Do not waste your time.

Beautiful young woman walking on the rail - retro and vintage st

9. If you don’t think it would work, end it immediately and let the other person know:

My Experience:

I have met few nonsensical people along the way. There was this guy who would talk to me frequently but nothing was clear as to where this was progressing according to him. It was as if he was keeping me on hold. I got bored and could not feel any connect at the end and ended it then and there.

Take-Away:

Letting go of the person you are datingMulti-date, but if you think there is no chance of a relation to work, make sure you inform the other person of how you feel. As it might happen that he/she starts to like you. Keep yourself in their position and think how it hurts when you get rejected by someone you like. Also, you will find people who might keep you on hold as they multi-date. Read the signs and move on soon.

10. If they seem too busy to give you time, dump them immediately:

My Experience:

I met a guy whose parents were very interested in getting us married. Initially the guy used to speak to me daily. I remember he was sent on deputation somewhere and he could not call me much. When I asked him if he had time he would reply that he is too busy to even eat. This went on for nearly two months. Then I realized it was high time to move on.

ignore-matrimony

Take-Away:

If someone is too busy to even talk to you, read the signs. They are just not into you. If someone really likes you, they would definitely find time for you by hook or by crook. So, do not waste your time trying to understand their situation. You are not committed yet. They do not have the right to take you for granted. Realize your self-worth and end this relation then and there.

11. If someone goes by your outer beauty, they are not worth holding onto:

My Experience:

I was dating another guy through matrimony. On our second date, I wanted to have ice cream, He suggested fruit-juice as it was healthy. I wanted to eat ice-cream as I was in a different city standing outside a famous desert bar. When I finished eating the yummy sizzler brownie, he gave me a lecture on how bad my eating habits were and how I needed to lose weight (mind it he was no Brad Pitt) which would not be possible if I continued eating this way. I just replied to him saying, I am in search of a life partner not a dad. I have a dad at home already; saying that, I walked out.

Take-Away:

Outer appearance matters in arranged marriage but to some extent. You need to be practical. If you look like a model, maybe you can demand for a perfect looking person. Else let’s face the reality, most of us are average looking beings having certain flaws. Remember inner beauty is always more significant that outer appearance. Because outer beauty fades but a person beautiful from inside will keep you happy your entire life.

Also, if you find someone who is only enchanted by your outer beauty and if that is really important to him/her, do not think twice. Just dump them, then and there. Also, if someone has a problem with how you look and want you to change, just walk away from them. You are perfect just the way you are and you don’t have to change for someone’s approval.

You have the freedom to choose your life partner, you need not settle for someone so shallow. You might be beautiful now but your appearance will change as you age. if the person is not in love with you for who you really are as a person, he does not love you at all. Do yourself a favour, find someone else.

love-yourself-matrimony

12. Chemistry is the key to happiness:

My Experience:

I have met nearly 4-5 men for matrimonial purpose. Every time I met them, I spoke to them in a friendly manner and thought that this is an arranged marriage so chemistry will develop over time. Well that did not happen. Apparently the one I decided to get married to, I could feel chemistry between us from the first few minutes we met and it grew.

chemistry-matrimony

Take-Away:

I know this might sound difficult. But this is how it works. When you meet the other half of your puzzle, you automatically feel lot of chemical reactions going on inside you. And trust me even I had given up on it. After many failed attempts, I did find my better half. So will you.

13. Believe in Happy Endings:

My Experience:

After I faced failure in relationship, I stopped believing that I could have my happy ending someday. I thought my only chance of happiness is doomed. Now I will have to compromise in life. But with time I grew wiser and started believing that I am on a journey and will find my destiny soon. And I did find the perfect partner I could ever imagine of. Better than any relation I had ever dreamed of.

matrimony-website

Take-Away:

Yes, life is not a fairy tale but this certainly does not mean you cannot have a happy ending for yourself. Even the law of attraction states how positive visualization and working towards it will result in your good destiny. So, believe in your destiny and stay positive. I did find my happily ever after. So will you. Do not give up. Your perfect soulmate is just around the corner…

matrimony-site-poem-soulmate

Our universe grants every soul a twin- a reflection of   themselves-the kindred spirit- And no matter where they are or how far away they are from each other-even if they are in different dimensions, they will always find one another. This is destiny; this is love.

We might meet few wrong people who act like hurdle in our search for true soulmate but always remember these hurdles force us to change our path and take a new path, the path which finally leads us to the one we have been looking for.

So, hold on tight and keep looking as the other half of your puzzle is somewhere out there and you will find your better half eventually. The half that will complete you.

Searching for your Soulmate? Find here…

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34 Comments Add yours

  1. ladylebz says:

    Great post! I think in general relationships are very tricky because they consist of complex human beings with pasts, presents and futures.

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      Relationships are indeed tricky but we cannot live without them as well.

  2. It’s so crazy how far we have come with technology and dating! It’s proven very successful for a lot of people. SO great!

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      I agree. I didn’t know how will I find someone online but I did.

  3. Kylie says:

    Some of these are so true. You usually end up with someone you never thought you would. I met my partner 6 years ago and when we met I was going to reject him because he did fit my description of what I wanted. We are now getting married in 2 months so life sometimes just happens

  4. The Wise Hero says:

    Happy to hear that. Same is my case. Met few months ago and getting married coming Jan…

  5. Christine says:

    This was an eye-opener on a different culture to me. I hope everyone finds happiness whatever road they take.

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      Yeah this happens in India for sure. Sites exist where eligible guys and girls make their profile where they share all information regarding hobbies, age, weight, height, education, occupation, salary, family details, etc. Then the profiles are shortlisted and calls are made, family meet, girl and guy talk and then things are decided. Quite tedious I would say.

  6. Great tips! I always hate when people say someone has high standards. I mean, there’s some things that could be a bit petty or something that you just don’t need to care THAT much about, but at the same time, you’re standards are your standards. Don’t settle.

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      Exactly, I feel the same. Pressure from adults made me date many wrong men through these sites and then I realized how important it is to stick to my priorities.

  7. Thanks for sharing your experience and insights. It’s a very interesting read. I’ve thought about online sites, but then realized I don’t have time. lol Great tips for those looking.

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      Thanks for reading. The process id definitely time consuming and tedious one.

  8. Amanda says:

    I didn’t even realise these sites existed. But it’s interesting to hear your experience on using them and your journey of finding love. Wishing you all the best with your love life ❤️

    Amanda | http://ldnrose.com

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      Hi, Amanda. Yeah I am from India and in our country arranged marriages are quite common. We have many Indian sites where eligible girls and guy register and make their profile. Connect to each other and then families meet and marriages are fixed. Here if you are above the age of 30, as a girl it will be difficult to find an appropriate guy too. I know doesn’t sound empowering but happens.

  9. Addison says:

    I am so glad that I really did find my perfect person. It isn’t easy, but I truly love him more everyday. As for your list, I love what you said about not letting others determine your priorities. So profound and important.

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      I am so happy to hear about you. As a girl I know how difficult it is to find someone who really understands us and connect to us. I had a really hard time. But now I also feel like you do.

  10. Dani says:

    I loved…loved..loved this article. I was interested all the way through. I’ve stepped into the dating scene again and all of these tips reminds me of the things I think about – especially when you speak on the topic of priorities. I thought I would settle for the person I didn’t find attractive or was shorter than me but that wasn’t cool – I’m glad I snapped out of that

    1. The Wise Hero says:

      This is great. I wrote about my experience as I knew lot of people out there are struggling to find the right partner. Frankly I can relate to you as I have dated so many men through matrimony sites in the past 2 years.It took me lot of patience to hold on till I found someone. You also don’t give up and settle till your are 100% sure you have found the right partner. Till then hang on to your friends for moral support and to fill any void. Just do not rush int anything. Hope you find your soulmate soon.

  11. Mikayla says:

    Great post! Relationships are tricky, for sure. I can see the reasoning behind the arranged model but I think there is a general misunderstanding of the commitment that marriage is. You’re absolutely right, we over-romanticize the fairy tale fantasy without thinking through all of the lessons you shared above (whether looking online for a partner or going the traditional route). Thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will be helpful for many people!

  12. Nikki says:

    This is an amazing post!! You’re take-aways are very “on point”! Of course I have only been married a little over a year but I stuggled with a few relationships prior to this one and I experienced a lot of what you write about. My favorite part was the “don’t compromise on what you want in a partner” and “Chemistry is key”! Well done!!

  13. Thena says:

    Great post for sure! Lot’s of wonderful tips!

  14. Pilar says:

    Wao you created such a complete post! I loved that you mixed it with your experiences and Indian culture. Almost 10 months ago I went to a wedding in New Delhi and I loved the experience. 😀
    xoxo, Pilar
    http://thelifestylehunter.com

  15. Prior to having kids I would have laughed at the outlandish thought of my parents picking my mate. But, now I am a parent and I am pretty sure I know better than they of the type of person is right for them. I personally would like to see this happen more often!

  16. SC says:

    What a great post! Every one and every relationship is unique but you make some great points. I don’t think I’d like my parents to pick my spouse though!! Haha that might not be too good!
    Cheers, Sarah Camille // SCsScoop.com

  17. “If you don’t think it would work, end it immediately and let the other person know” —> this is the best. Dont waste both of your times. Cheers to this post!

  18. Pammy says:

    Great tips you’ve shared. I agree to just stay positive, and everything will be alright.

    Pammy – joyfulsource.com

  19. Jenna says:

    Wow this was so interesting! Relationships are absolutely necessary, for sure.

  20. carly delski says:

    It’s important to keep an open mind! Just because something is different to you doesn’t mean there’s a right or wrong way to go about things. Very interesting read 🙂
    xx Carly | http://www.thecarlycollective.com

  21. Blu says:

    This is very thorough. Chemistry is so important. There are too many people settling instead of really trying to figure out what they need and what they offer.

  22. Jenn says:

    WOW!
    You really laid it out!
    I’m going to share this with my cousin.

  23. Nita says:

    I’m glad I don’t need to go through dating anymore! With so much technology and new ways of dating coming out every now and then, it must be so confusing, thanks for sharing.

  24. This is totally a must-read for anyone dipping their toes in the internet dating waters!

    xoxo Christie
    http://icanstyleu.com/blog/

  25. It sounds like you’re a pretty smart person who is capable of vetting the people on this site..Online dating is pretty common, and I don’t really see an inherent problem with having a site dedicated to people hoping to make the commitment of marriage. I do think arranged marriages, and marriages which we enter into speedily (whether arranged, through a website, or done the typical Western way) can be dangerous. Abusive people, especially sociopaths, are great at seeming charming and great..until you’ve made the commitment and are defendant on them. My ex, who is an abusive sociopath, apparently met his current girlfriend via online dating. She has no idea how much danger she is in, and probably won’t know until it’s too late. So I’d just be wary…parents make mistakes too..and anyone can pretend to be anyone on the internet. That being said, I believe everyone should be able to take the route to love and marriage they best see fit, and if that means trusting their parents or going online: good luck to you! I wish you and your fiance the best!

  26. Excellent blog you’ve got here.. It’s hard to find high-quality writing like
    yours these days. I honestly appreciate people like you!
    Take care!!

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