Revenge or Forgiveness???

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Perfect maturity is when a person hurts you and you try to understand their situation and don’t hurt them back.

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The Size Zero Myth:

#Myth 1- I need REVENGE:imageedit_3_3714574653

You have hurt me. So you should get punished for that. Revenge is the only path which will make me feel better.

#Myth 2- You have hurt me:

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It’s your act that has broken my trust and it’s you who has hurt me.

#Myth 3- Forgiving is difficult:

It is next to impossible for me to forgive you. If by any chance I am able to forgive you, I am the bigger person.

The Wise Hero Reality:

Understand that he/she thought it was right at that time:

Each one is different, no one is right or wrong, we are just different. Acceptance means we accept the difference.

imageedit_4_2419600307We need to understand, even in the toughest of situation that the other person had a perspective.

For example, many times we see our past & realize we have made few grave mistakes but at that time it was right as per our perspective

We need to forget about them being right or wrong. They must have done what they thought was right but we definitely thought it was wrong at that time. We still think it’s wrong, but the hurt is our own creation.

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I create hurt myself:

No one is responsible for my hurt, pain, fear or anger. It is my own creation in response to their behaviour, and I have another choice. The choice to be happy.

A person can create a situation which can make you uncomfortable. But it’s you who choose to hurt yourself or remain stable.

We need to always remember that we have a choice. They have made a mistake but if we are hurt, it’s us who have chosen the pain.

We choose to remain hurt because we thought someone else is responsible for the pain, they were the ones who created the hurt & they will come and heal us.

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‘My happiness does not depend on the other person’

I control my mind:

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We say that there is a conflict between my brain which screams revenge & my heart which says forgive.

Spirituality teaches us, heart and brain are physical organs which cannot think and cannot feel. I, the mind (soul energy) create thoughts that is called thinking.

Once we know we create thoughts, we can choose them and we can change them. It is called controlling our mind. Our mind will create thoughts which are comfortable for us. Revenge is not a comfortable though, forgiveness is. Hence thought of forgiveness is created by the mind. mural-1347673_640

Mind is like a child, it will not listen when you force it. Check which thought is creating hurt, talk to yourself to change the thoughts, gradually mind will change thoughts and let go of hurt.

Rewinding the incident in mind is recreating the pain:

UntitledPeople around you might constantly remind you of the past incident, it dis-empowers you. Gentle reminders will recreate the same emotions again & again, those we want to forget.

If something has happened in the past, Phototastic-31-03-2017_9c373ae7-9943-4659-b695-9aba25c90d36(1)the best thing we can give ourselves and to others is, ‘delete’. Absolutely delete and go to the recycle bin & remove it from there also. Otherwise it will pop up again. It is the easiest way to heal ourselves & everyone around.

Understanding Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is difficult, not because of the act. forgiveIt is because of the pain the act causes. As we go through the emotional pain and find healing difficult, hence we are unable to forgive.

If we are in pain it means we are hurting ourselves. It is high time we take a medicine for it or else it will turn into cancerous tumour because we are letting the hurt remain. Revisiting the pain is like rubbing the wound.

healWhen we fall sick, we go to the doctor and take medicines to heal the pain. Why don’t we take care about healing our inner pain?

LIFE IS VERY VERY FAIR:

THE LAW OF KARMA:

Law of karma states that, what goes around comes around.

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Whatever situation they have created which we think was not right, there can be two reasons:

  1. We understand that everything that has happened to us, was return of our Karma and that’s absolute truth. That answers all the question marks. We must have done something in the past which has come back to us and now we need to accept it gracefully. Now we need to protect ourselves rather that fighting back.
  2. They are creating new Karmic account with us. Their wrong doings will add on to their Karmas and they will also have to face its consequences. So we need not worry about that.

But we need to remember that if we live in past repeating the emotions, we are creating new Karmas which will come back in the future. So let us cut the cycle here.

NO negative thought for them at all. My account with them is over. Let me not carry forward the account.

Do not radiate negative thoughts for the other person. Before that affects them, it will affect you first and will be returned back too.

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‘Revenge or Forgiveness’ is not a choice:

The way we think & behave is not for the other people, it is first for ourselves, because we are the first ones to experience it…

Forgive inscribed on a stoneThere is no choice between forgiveness and revenge. Someone did something which we think is not right, so we will do something wrong. This thought is absolutely conflicting. When we think it’s not right how can we do it? Even if we do it, it’s us who will feel the most uncomfortable doing it.

We can’t hurt them, if they take care of themselves (their mind) and not let what we do affect them, mission unaccomplished. But yes we will definitely hurt ourselves again

We don’t forgive them. We forgive ourselves by letting it go. By accepting what they have done, we forgive ourselves for the emotional abuse we have caused to our state of mind.

The choice is yours:

Happiness is not a dependency, it’s a decision.

You see someone in a Sea Ocean Sand Beach Vacation Coast Chill Bare Conceptdifferent light and they turn out to be a different person. Internally we have one choice, to accept people how they are and remain stable. Externally we can make a choice to continue the relationship or not. But it has to be without hatred and negativity, as doing that would be emotional abuse, because it will not damage the other person, but damage us.

Many times in relationships if we continue to radiate positive energy to the other person and remain stable, the relationship can revive as the thoughts are powerful. But even if that doesn’t happen, we first have to heal ourselves.

Forget & Move On:

Remembering the incident would mean pulling yourself back & blocking your journey when you are trying to move ahead.

Real meaning of FORGET:

It does not mean forgetting the incident as that is not possible. It means practice of forgetting the pain associated with the incident. This way the memory will not hurt us. Earlier the incident was recalled automatically as we were addicted to the pain it caused. Now as we let go of hurt, the incident also will not be remembered.

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I am liberated and free.

 

49 Comments Add yours

  1. Hannah Idalia says:

    I appreciate the wisdom you share here. I was hurt, publicly humiliated, betrayed, and ostracized. As a deeply spiritual being, I have always taken the high road, forgiven easily, and moved on. This time however, I am learning that I also need to take action that could be construed as revenge, when that is not the case. In my spiritual, unconditionally loving heart, I have forgiven, myself and others, but in my evolution of leadership and spiritual warriorship, I am taking action to hold those who have wronged me accountable for their actions, even if that means pursuing legal action. So while I can take action that looks like revenge, with my heart and soul at peace, I am seeking justice by exposing what is wrong with the institution and making a demand for financial compensation. This is my spiritual action on behalf of all spiritual beings who get taken advantage of when they are most vulnerable.

    1. the wise hero says:

      It is not fair that you had to go thought this. If you have to pursue legal actions, do so. But do not let this situation affect your state of mind is all I would advice. Disturbed state of mind might misguide your decisions. I myself had to face humiliation in front of many because of someone very close. I am.not letting that affect my state of mind. I do not want to hurt myself cos of what someone else did. You stay strong.

    1. the wise hero says:

      Thanks you so much for taking out time to read.

  2. fitasamamabear33 says:

    Nice post. I think this is tricky because so much of our emotions come out when we’ve been hurt.

    1. the wise hero says:

      I agree. I myself never wanted to let go of the hurt as I felt the person needs to be punished. But apparently letting go makes me feel so light from inside.

  3. Stacey says:

    I can forgive but there is a lot of things I will never FORGET

    1. the wise hero says:

      I agree. Forgetting is not possible. Just keep that part in the back drawers of mind where you don’t access them. In simple terms with time and other happening in life, such incidence fades off. Key is patience and practice everyday to forgive and forget.

  4. Whimsy says:

    I love that you said happiness is a decision 🙂 And I have to say that forgiving someone most certainly is not the easiest thing to do, but once you learn to understand those people who hurt you, you feel this overpowering sense of relief! Anyways, I love this post!

    1. the wise hero says:

      Thank you for taking out time. Glad you liked it.

  5. angrisk says:

    I have a sign hanging in our house that says Happiness is an inside job. It’s so true. Sometimes taking the high road is hard…..but it’s always worth it. Because self worth is always important.

    1. the wise hero says:

      Yes you are so right. Why should we waste another single minute of our life, thinking of someone who has not been nice to us. Forget and move on. Easy to say I know but we can do it.

  6. Forgiveness is key and happiness is 100!% a choice! Great post!

    1. the wise hero says:

      Yes you are right. It makes us feel so powerful when we know that our happiness is our own choice. No one else can take it away from us.

  7. Amber says:

    Yes! I always choose to be happy because being miserable is a waste of energy.

  8. Megan says:

    There’s a lot of truth in this!! It’s certainly a sign of maturity when one can be hurt and choose not to lash out. I face that all the time! It’s a blessing a curse!

  9. George Azide says:

    Wow!

    What a great article.

    I really enjoy your perspective on happiness.

  10. athomefeelin says:

    What a wonderful post! So full of truth, so many people don’t stop and think about their actions especially when they are hurting. Forgiving and moving on is so much better than revenge or karma!

  11. 2014ritchie says:

    This can be such a difficult thing to learn. However, once you do you are likely to be much happier.

  12. Mama Ally says:

    This is perfect for dealing with and forgiving mistakes and accidental actions. But, I have to admit it wouldn’t work for me in instances where I have been hurt intentionally, nor do I think it should. It is easy to sweep things away or say karma, but some people hurt on purpose and that is not as easily forgiven.

  13. thebookswag says:

    Forgiveness is truly a thorny subject, for me anyway 🙂 I loved the article, I just kept asking myself, am I mature enough to forgive? Well I have no answer yet, but this article, really put some things into perspective.

  14. I loved how you compared withholding of forgiveness with carrying forward a bankrupt account. So many people are caught up in cycles of carrying forward those “accounts,” which only ends up bankrupting the next “account” as well. I’m happy to be one of the people for whom forgiveness seems to come easily – but I AM guilty of remembering, of carrying that account forward. I’m getting better about it, but one of those “accounts” was SERIOUSLY messed up, and unfortunately I don’t think I’ll be shaking that one off anytime soon.

  15. I love this post! I try to live by trying to be more forgiving. My mother always told me that its easy to continually punish someone, but its even harder to learn how to forgive. I also do think that sometimes the punishment has to fit the crime so to speak. Sometimes things can’t be forgiven. Fantastic post.

  16. themomnoms says:

    This is a great post and needed by so many people. I know that forgiveness is so difficult sometimes and revenge seems like the only way that you will get any satisfaction, but it’s not true.

  17. I agree with this so much! Once I realized that I’M the only person that can control whether or not I’m happy, then it made things so much better! I choose to be happy therefor I am!

  18. Next Level Blogging says:

    In the last few years I have learned to live my life differently, including practicing forgiveness in all situations. It has helped me tremendously, and I have learned that usually, those that I extend understanding and forgiveness to, are not used to that reaction, and actually change some of their behaviors! Many times, people don’t realize how deeply they have hurt you. And other times, giving forgiveness made it easier to let go of toxic people.
    Great post!

  19. toastycritic says:

    I have definitely seen people eaten up by regret when they cannot forgive someone for what they have done. You just have to get over things and move on. And it’s not for them, its for you. No matter whether they want forgiveness or not.

  20. I have a tendency to ruminate on bad things. But you make a good point about remembering is recreating. I will keep that in mind the next time I start to get down about a negative event in my life.

  21. aalexist says:

    Before I had issues with forgiving someone who didn’t ask for forgiveness, but now I’m learning that forgiveness is for me. Thank you for sharing!

    1. the wise hero says:

      Yes. I also did the same. But then the hurt and revenge feeling was making me feel so heavy inside. Feel much more happy now.

  22. Elizabeth O. says:

    I don’t like the idea of revenge, I would rather just keep mum about it and let karma take its course. I can forgive if someone did something grave, but I can never forget whatever that is. I also think happiness is definitely a choice.

  23. adreamliketrance says:

    As human beings, we are expected to have emotions. It’s easy to get hurt and angry but it takes a lot of maturity to accept and forgive.

  24. Revenge is never a good idea!!! I feel the older I get, it’s easier to forgive and move on….. no time for pettiness

  25. Ashlea says:

    I believe in karma. What comes around goes around. Treat others how you want to be treated. I love your post.

  26. Peachy A. says:

    I agree with you. We have control over our happiness and we always have a choice.

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  28. beautyaddictmama says:

    Lovely post with good advice. It’s difficult to keep a clear head when emotions are involved.

  29. Debanjan Roy says:

    I think putting the onus of happiness to one’s own self, is the best message one should take here. Inner peace from adding all the good, and deleting all troubling thoughts from your mind. Please keep writing, as your thoughts stand as an inspiration to us all, who have been through unpleasant times at some point of our lives. I hope this write reaches to as many people as it can, so that it can help someone overcome their pain.

    1. the wise hero says:

      Thanks for your encouraging words. Will definitely continue writing more.

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  38. Sheri says:

    I think happiness is a choice and a daily habit that should be practiced. It is so easy to stay angry and hurt, personal growth lies in being able to forgive and move forward. That is the best way to have peace of mind and be free.

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